February 1

Elyse Archer on Connecting with People from the Heart


Elyse Archer is the founder of She Sells, a coaching program and community for women in sales who are breaking through six figures and revolutionizing the way sales is done.  A thought leader whose insights have been featured in major media including Forbes and Inc.

Elyse is passionate about empowering women to sell in a way that leverages their natural gifts, and helps them build wealth along the way.  She is an international keynote speaker and host of She Sells Radio, where she shares best practices from female entrepreneurs and sales professionals who have accomplished extraordinary goals. 

Prior to founding She Sells, Elyse served as a Partner in an 8-figure international sales coaching organization, where she helped sales professionals achieve their goals.

Outside of She Sells Elyse is also a founding team member of Brand Builders Group, a personal branding strategy firm.  Her client list includes New York Times bestselling authors, top 100 podcast hosts, and 8 figure entrepreneurs, as well as leaders who are earlier in their journey and committed to scaling their influence, impact and income. 

[Podcast Transcript Using Artificial Intelligence]

Umar Hameed 0:01
Are you ready to become awesomer? Hello everyone! My name is Umar Hameed, I'm your host on the No Limits Selling Podcast, where industry leaders share their tips, strategies and advice on how you can become better, stronger, faster. Just before we get started, I've got a question for you, do you have a negative voice inside your head? We all do, right? I'm gonna help you remove that voice and under 30 days guaranteed, not only remove it, but transform it. So instead of the voice that sabotages you, there's one that propels you to much higher levels of performance and success. There's a link in the show notes, click on it to find out more. All right! Let's get started.

Umar Hameed 0:41
Hello everyone! This is going to be such a great conversation today. I'm talking to Elyse Archer, and she sells and she actually helps women sell more effectively. But before we get to her I want to share one of the projects that I'm working on is very much that negative voice inside our heads gets in the way of us executing in the way that we want. And if that's something you want to lose, within a month, we're going to make that disappear. So you become awesomer, It will be in the show notes. It's kind of a new direction for what we're doing. And let's get started. Elyse , welcome to the program, so happy to have you here.

Elyse Archer 1:17
Thank you so much for having me. And just right off the bat with you talking about losing that negative voice in the head. It's that changes everything. So I love that that's such a big part of your expertise and what you help people with, it's been a big part of my life journey. And I'm very excited for wherever this is going to go.

Umar Hameed 1:35
So let me tell you a quick anecdote, then we didn't get into what you're doing, because you're doing really cold stuff. I was at this meeting with 21 CEOs. And one of the exercises was, okay, here's a three by five card. And I want you to write down what that negative voice inside your head says to you to stop you dead in your tracks. And everybody in that room was super successful, more successful than me show off. But anyway, they write down what their voice says, and they don't write down their name, I shuffle up the cards, and I give the cards, distribute them out. And I tell the first person whatever card you got, I want you to read what the negative voice says somebody else's voice in this room in the way that it might say it, depending on what's written there. And the guy said something like, "I'm a fraud, and I don't deserve success," and every single person in the room is like holy shit. Somebody in this room is thinking that yeah, and then the next person says the next negative thing and they all had that. So we all have that stuff.

Elyse Archer 2:28
Hmm. Yeah.

Umar Hameed 2:29
And at the at the break, this woman comes up afterwards and says, "Umar," John, the first guy that read the card was my card. And when he read that card, all I wanted to do was to go there and hug him to make sure he was okay, but I can't hug myself.

Elyse Archer 2:48
Oh wow.

Umar Hameed 2:48
It's right and and women have it tougher. So tell me about how you help women sell and become 6 figure mavens?

Elyse Archer 2:58
Hmm. Oh, I love 6 figure mavens. Well, Umar I, I so appreciate this conversation. And I came from a background of very hardcore, high pressure sales working in media sales. And then I went on and join a sales coaching and training company that was that taught some pretty high pressure tactics. And I remember just feeling all along the way like I was, I was very much trying to prove myself worth that I was very insecure when I was in those positions. And so I was like, I've got to be at the top of the leaderboard. So I did everything that was taught. And sure enough, I was...

Umar Hameed 3:32

Elyse Archer 3:33
...financially successful. Yeah, I achieved. I achieved but nobody knew secretly I was dealing with an eating disorder. I was in an unhappy marriage. I was in a ton of anxiety all the time.

Umar Hameed 3:45
Oh, yeah.

Elyse Archer 3:45
And so it was yeah, it was like just this inner turmoil. And I, it's, you know, it may be a longer story than we have time for today. But I remember I reached a point right before that number 28 always been special to me. And right before my 28th birthday, I decided I'm not available for this year to be like this for me, too. So I don't know what's on the other side of this. But I was...

Umar Hameed 4:07
Time to change?

Elyse Archer 4:07
...feeling very called. Yeah, exactly. It's like it's time to change. And so I made a lot of changes fast. I left the marriage I went out on my own started a company and my experience and my, what I have, what's happened for me in that period of time, about seven years now is I've learned that the easier I let it be and the more I trust my instincts, the more I achieve everything I want. And I think as women specifically we learned to suppress our instincts, we learn to suppress our voice, we learn to suppress our earning potential, and that was so much of my story.

Umar Hameed 4:39
Elyse, you just being emotional.

Elyse Archer 4:42

Umar Hameed 4:42
When women do it. It's gut instinct, and it comes from experience and when when women do it, which a way better at it anyway, then

Elyse Archer 4:49

Umar Hameed 4:49
it's like, oh, you're being emotional or you're being unreasonable or some kind of bullshit we tell women.

Elyse Archer 4:53

Umar Hameed 4:54
That's not the part that I think is is tragic. The part that I think is tragic is this is what women tell them selves. And when women have children is the cultural norms and even though we don't want to imprinted on them, we somehow freaking do it. And you and I need to break that pattern because I think women rock. And I think they're tougher than men. I think they're more empathetic and more generous and more reasonable. And, is just anybody single out there. No, I'm only kidding.

Elyse Archer 5:25
But not really. Yeah, well, and I appreciate that too, because we end up doing it to ourselves. But a lot of it is cultural conditioning and it's passed on from our parents. But then at a certain point, we some of us continue to do it to ourselves. And that was my story for so long. But I work with a lot of moms now too like, I'm a new mom. And

Umar Hameed 5:45
Oh, congratulations.

Elyse Archer 5:46
I find that thank you so much. Yeah, little, little boys, almost eight months old. I'm so conscious of what I say to him now.

Umar Hameed 5:53
Oh, yeah.

Elyse Archer 5:53
Because it's, it's that subconscious mind, right? Until he's about seven or eight everything. He's just taking it as truth. And so you know, whether you got a, you know, boys, girls, whatever, like, we've got to be so conscious of what we say, because I know what the work you do. And what I'm really passionate about with my clients is it's not so much the sales technique, although that's important. What I care about is when you transform and shift your identity to be somebody who naturally brings in whatever amount of money you want to bring in and sales, whether it's six figures, seven figures, whatever, who feels worthy of having those things and knows that those things can flow easily to her. It has to happen for you. It's universal law. And so it's that inner game, and that shift that I find so fascinating, and that's it doesn't just impact sales is no doubt happens with your clients.

Umar Hameed 6:41
Impacts life.

Elyse Archer 6:42
that one thing it's the whole life. Yeah.

Umar Hameed 6:45
Just one thing as you program your son, one of the phrases you need to repeat his Mama's always right, just make sure....

Elyse Archer 6:53
I will I'll get that one in early and often.

Umar Hameed 6:56
Here is something that's really interesting is you know, we all want money at varying degrees, and you could find someone, you and I could go find someone today that would say, what's the most important thing money is I need more money, I need to earn more, and I deserve it. But inside their mindset is a different set of thoughts and feelings that says. So when I'm teaching to a large group of people all say, please complete the sentence for me, "Money is..." someone will put up their hand and go, it's powerful. It's freedom. It's amazing. It's energy, da da da, all these amazing things. And then someone will say, it's the root of all evil, it causes fights, it causes divorce it causes, and the list of negatives is so much larger in our society. We have such profound negative beliefs around wealth and money, that it impacts how we show up. So it's that thing that you're trying to do for your clients is to get their inner world to match up what they want on the outer world. And once you do that, that's when you unleash someone to be themselves and not someone they are not.

Elyse Archer 8:00
Yes, it's so true. It's so true. And I just had a conversation with a beautiful woman right before this call, who is, she's a young woman, she in financial services, and we were talking about her relationship with money. And she said, the thing I said, "What do you learn about money growing up?" And she said, "Well, my parents always argued about it. So I learned that money equals arguing."

Umar Hameed 8:20

Elyse Archer 8:21
And I think we don't, I only learned this like several years ago started learning this that the that whatever money, hangups or beliefs you have, they come from your conditioning early on, it doesn't have to be that way. There are plenty of people in the world who have abundance and abundance mindset and feel really free and easy around money. But the other thing too is, money is root chakra, right? It's security. So for a long time, I would be good at making money. But I would always be so afraid that it would leave and I wondered why. And it wasn't until I learned that your relationship, whatever the fears, our relationship you had with your parents will...

Umar Hameed 8:21

Elyse Archer 8:28
...tend to play itself back out in your relationship with money because I always was afraid that my dad was gonna leave growing up.

Umar Hameed 9:02

Elyse Archer 9:03
That it's so freeing to learn this stuff, right? Because we wonder where these hangups come from and where, and, and it all makes sense. Like when you learn that it all makes sense. And you can start to rewire it, but it's the stuff like it'll hang you up. And you can have the best sales technique in the world. It doesn't matter if you have weird energy around money or receiving clients.

Umar Hameed 9:23
Yeah. And you could have a mediocre sales strategy in place. And you have confidence and self love.

Elyse Archer 9:30

Umar Hameed 9:30
And that pathetic thing that you did works beautifully.

Elyse Archer 9:33
That's probably more what I do, the mediocre sales strategy.

Umar Hameed 9:39
If you can like step up it to who you really are. Because if you were taking what you're doing right now, that even somebody is dumb is me at some kind of intrinsic level. I'm going to go, "Wait a minute, something's not right."

Elyse Archer 9:51

Umar Hameed 9:51
And the same is true on the other side. If I sharpen away that's, you know, I am more confident and more amazing and fantastic but literally I'm not in internally, you're going to pick that vibe up. So I think part of our journey as human beings, as salespeople, as moms, as dads, as kids, as humans, is to discover who we are. And when we discover who we are, it gives us the opportunity to go, "This is who I am." Because oftentimes we have a different idea of who we are versus who we actually are. And then once you've got that, this is what you can show the outside world. And then you become one of those people that shows up authentically. And people want to be around you, people want to buy from you and people want to marry you. So anyway,

Elyse Archer 10:33
[Laughing] You got a long waiting list in all areas.

Umar Hameed 10:39
We were talking about those negative feelings around money, so here's something interesting. Are you a Catholic by any chance?

Elyse Archer 10:46
I am not a Catholic. Now, I'm very spiritual, but I don't have a specific.

Umar Hameed 10:49

Elyse Archer 10:49

Umar Hameed 10:50
So the Catholic Church, there was this brilliant book called The Geography of Genius, there was saying, like, there's certain times in places that blossom geniuses, it's not just their genius that there was this fertile ground to do that. And here's one period, the Black Death had decimated Europe. And what that did was it took the wealth from a lot of people, and it focused it into the hands of the few that were like the remaining remaining family members. And in Catholicism, you know, if you had money, a lot of money, then you were never going to get it into heaven. And you were going to go to hell. And so the Catholic Church said, "Hmm, how can we get some of that cash, and they created the concept of purgatory,

Elyse Archer 11:32
Oh, wow.

Umar Hameed 11:32
that if you get pieces of art for the church, that we would take a million years off your health sentence, and you would go to purgatory where you're not being tortured, you won't go to heaven. And at that point, they were masters that were teaching people like Leonardo da Vinci, Michelangelo, so they had money available, the church was getting its blessing and you had these artists, and they all came together, and we got these amazing artists. So this hang up, A, Isn't that amazing? And B, this hang up around?

Elyse Archer 12:03
Wow, my mind is blown.

Umar Hameed 12:05
I told you before we started that I'm smart and I love, you did not believe me?

Elyse Archer 12:09
I believe now, I'm a believer. I'm a believer. Well, and the other thing too Umar, is it's I don't know about your experience. But my experience has been it's generational. You know, I was talking with my mom a few months ago about some old money hang ups I had around just fear of like it always going away...

Umar Hameed 12:26

Elyse Archer 12:26
...and never having enough. And so some of that's come from I understand on my relationship with my parents. But I said, I still don't get it because we were upper middle class growing up. And she was like, "Oh, that was always my fear," because her mom growing up, it was during the depression, and...

Umar Hameed 12:40
Oh, yeah.

Elyse Archer 12:40
...they pinch every penny. And so some of this stuff just gets passed on through generations. And there's a lot of healing that needs to be done. But I think, you know, my point of view is if this message is resonating with someone, it's because it is your opportunity to now heal that for your lineage so that your kids and their kids and so on, don't have to live life in such a limited way. Because once you get rid of the money hang ups, you realize there's so many bigger things to be focusing your life on when you just feel supported.

Umar Hameed 13:08
Yeah, absolutely. So you're actually giving a gift to future generations once you lose that. But this kind of focus on your practice and the area really want to focus on is you probably meet a lot of amazing women.

Elyse Archer 13:21

Umar Hameed 13:22
That you see more awesomeness in them than they see in themselves. So can you tell us about one of your clients, you know, don't name names, but I want you to pick somebody real. And the reason I want you to do that is that then you can authentically share their experience when we do it in generalities. Oh, yeah, we have women that do this. It's that kind of bullshit. So think of someone real kind of what you saw in them and how you got them to see it in themselves and what the results were.

Elyse Archer 13:49
Hmm, yeah. So I think about so I've got a new program that I've been doing for about a month and I think about one of the women in that program and she's in the financial services space and she heard my story and I think related to a lot of the just early backstory of growing up like not trusting yourself tension in the household all of that some of the money issues and she she came into the program and I think about her, she's kind of like I was maybe seven or eight years ago where she she was lacking confidence in herself she, she's in a very masculine you know, male dominated industry and then also has a new a new husband and...

Umar Hameed 14:28

Elyse Archer 14:28
...just you know, like not feeling fully confident herself in that relationship. And I think Umar everyone's a mirror. So I would imagine for you like your clients sign up with you because they see something in you that they want to create in themselves. And I think you know, for this woman too, and for all of my clients, it's just they see something in me that they also notice, they know deep down is in them and they just need some help bringing it out.

Umar Hameed 14:51

Elyse Archer 14:52
And so I do, I do a fair amount of inner child work with my clients to do...

Umar Hameed 14:57

Elyse Archer 14:57
...healing because I think that we have to heal those past wounds if, if we want to be able to feel whole and complete and worthy of what we want, so we did some of that with her. And in literally three weeks, she doubled her income at work. She, yeah, she's showing up so much more confidently, she has a new role. She, I think the most important thing is she, she spent most of her life living in anxiety a lot like I did.

Umar Hameed 15:22

Elyse Archer 15:22
And it's finally feeling a sense of peace, and finally feeling a sense of calm and ease and joy. And it's like, this whole new world has opened up for her.

Umar Hameed 15:32

Elyse Archer 15:33
So beautiful, yeah.

Umar Hameed 15:34
Thank you for sharing that. And brilliant work and helping her do that three things came up as you were telling the story, first one was a really bad joke, are you ready?

Elyse Archer 15:42
I'm always ready for a bad joke.

Umar Hameed 15:43
So back in the day before COVID, when they had bars, this female comedian was talking about, you know, I went to this bar, and this man said, you know, will you mother me. So I spat on a hanky, and I cleaned his face, which is totally hilarious. It's a very modern thing to do.

Elyse Archer 15:57
I love it.

Umar Hameed 15:58
The second thing is really that in providing that breakthrough for her, your client, oftentimes when we do breakthroughs, it gives us insights and distinctions on our work in ourselves. So in helping her, did you learn something about yourself? Or about your craft that you went, huh?

Elyse Archer 16:21
Yes, I did. Yes. Because the question at the end of that, yeah, absolutely. You know, I think what I, what I took away is how quickly shifts can happen when we're ready for them. And I know, in my own life, when I reached a point where I was no longer available to struggle, the shift happened really fast. And I think seeing that, to me, it's great validation, especially because this is a newer program that I'm running, it's

Umar Hameed 16:44

Elyse Archer 16:44
...validation that yes, I know how to make quick shifts in my own life. And I know how to make quick shifts for my clients as well, when they're ready. And it's always that dual process right where she, she did it because she was ready energetically, but to be able to support and facilitate that was really, really.

Umar Hameed 17:01
Yeah. And just that old adage, you know, when the student is ready, the master will appear. And then also, the corollary to that is when the master is ready, the student will appear, which is kind of cool.

Elyse Archer 17:13
I love that.

Umar Hameed 17:14
I'll give you one thing to keep an eye on, like I meet people from all walks of life from all parts of the world. And on one particular day, if I get three people that I've met in different places, and they come to me and say, "Umar, I've got this issue," and the second person has the same issue, and the third person has the same issue. And then I go, "This is the universe telling me that I've got that issue in me as well," and I go to examine myself. Because you know, I'm too dumb to kind of some people saying an issue and realizing, but if it's like two or three people in the same day, it's like, "Oh, my God, I think I've got a money issue," like, why am I attracting these people today, and sure enough, when I go down deeper, it's like, "Oh, this childhood belief around money or self worth, or, or whatever." And so I think as, as leaders and guides, what we need to do is my most amazing tool for helping people is this fantastic body, no, [Elyse laughing] Is if I can connect with you, in a way, and I give you total attention when I'm working with you, is I pay keen attention to my body. Because sometimes as I'm working with you, I will feel a little bit of anxiety, let's say right here, and have to ask myself, "Am I feeling anxious?" And sometimes the answer is NO. And I know with certainty the person I'm working with his feeling it right there, and I'm just so much in sync with them that I'm picking it up.

Elyse Archer 18:41

Umar Hameed 18:41
And then what I'll do is I'll go, so tell me, you know, as you do this, and I touch myself there, how does that make you feel? And all of a sudden, they'll open up and go, "Well, I feel really anxious around that. And because this isn't all of a sudden that opens up the world.

Elyse Archer 18:56

Umar Hameed 18:56
And if I don't touch myself in the place, I'm feeling it, their unconscious mind is like, you know, you don't get me. But when I do that, all of a sudden for them, it's like, they just open up the floodgates." So paying attention to your body, whether you're in a sales situation, therapeutic, coaching, with your child, or your significant other is like this, our best gift we have is this amazing body and we take it for granted.

Elyse Archer 19:19
Oh my gosh, I love that you said that too. That's such a good tool. And one of the most powerful things that I learned around using your body which was especially powerful for me because having had the eating disorder and having some women in my program, you had that too. You've got to so disconnect from your body to be able to do something like that to it that I live most of my life disconnected. Well as I've healed a lot of that relationship and learned what an amazing guidance system your body is, it tells you instantly.

Umar Hameed 19:46
Oh, yeah.

Elyse Archer 19:46
If you're thinking something that's a limiting belief if because you feel bad, right? Or if you're feeling something that's not true, and it's the most powerful, incredible guidance system we have but I think at least for me, I was never taught that I don't know about you, you had to go on your own journey of self-discovery...

Umar Hameed 20:01

Elyse Archer 20:01
...with that, but I didn't know that growing up.

Umar Hameed 20:04
You have to.

Elyse Archer 20:05
Yeah. Mm hmm.

Umar Hameed 20:08
So, are you going to start a school? We get questionable children, we get to [garbled] them. I mean, we get to set free because you know, just imagine if we, our kid that then it was like, when Elyse is being horrible to me and I go, "[Garbled] me feel and oh, it's making me doubt myself, why should they doubt myself," then that whole bullying thing will disappear if people can self-examine, like you were being just as mean, but the next day is like, "Oh, you must need validation and showing off like that," and all of a sudden they feel compassion for you. And then if you're a bully, it's like, "I don't wanna play with Umar anymore, because I'm looking for that reaction." So if we could teach our kids, all these simple, elegant tools that we would change the world. And before we part company, I have two questions for you, Elyse, are you ready?

Elyse Archer 21:00
I'm so ready.

Umar Hameed 21:02
All right. Number one, even though you're amazing. You probably still have a negative voice that comes up inside your head. What does your negative voice say to you?

Elyse Archer 21:11
Oh. Well, it came up today to being totally candid and honest, it came up today. And I've got a I've got an event coming up next week. And the negative I've got a big goal, like a big stretch goal for how many women are going to attend and the negative voice was like, that'll never happen. So it's I think it's still just as we set new goals for ourselves, and we stretch, that voice comes back up. And we it's our opportunity...

Umar Hameed 21:34

Elyse Archer 21:35
...to kind of heal at another level. So yes, it still happens for me, of course.

Umar Hameed 21:39
Happens for all of us.

Elyse Archer 21:41

Umar Hameed 21:41
And the second question is, what is one mind hack, a simple technique you use to get better results in, in life, in work, in romance, in motherhood? Like a simple mind hack that you'd like to share with our audience?

Elyse Archer 21:55
Yeah. So one of the things that I love doing that has been really powerful for me, and it's, I think it's great, especially if you're in sales, but any, any place where you're interfacing with other people is going into a meeting, I focus on connecting with that person from the heart. And that feels oftentimes that's kind of just taking a few moments before the meeting to, you know, to think about what's going on for them, what's the intention? What are they hoping to get out of the meeting, and then just feel that heart connection, which totally obviously opens up...

Umar Hameed 22:24
Oh, yeah.

Elyse Archer 22:24
...the energy in the meeting. And then even just silently while I'm talking with someone on Zoom, or in any sort of, you know, face to face, it's just like paying them compliments in my mind. And I find you know, who knows how much it transmits to their subconscious, but I sense that it does, but just to it's like, if we can leave...

Umar Hameed 22:42
So anyway, was there a company that you were thinking about?

Elyse Archer 22:47
[Garbled] You know, obviously genius, yet handsome?

Umar Hameed 22:51
I paid her $20 to say this, folks. [Both laughing]

Elyse Archer 22:53
But yeah.

Umar Hameed 22:53
I was in this book signing.

Elyse Archer 22:58
Yeah, yeah.

Umar Hameed 22:58
Absolutely. I was at this book signing, and I was just fooling around with the the woman that have written the book, and she was about to sign it's like, you know, "Make sure you put the word handsome in there," and, and she did and I was so embarrassed is like, No, it was a joke. And

Elyse Archer 23:13
It's like this guy really [garbled].

Umar Hameed 23:16
Yes. It was so much fun chatting with you today. Hopefully, this is a start of a beautiful friendship. Thank you for being on the show.

Elyse Archer 23:23
Thank you, Umar. This is wonderful. I so appreciate it.

Umar Hameed 23:30
If you enjoyed this episode, please go to iTunes and leave a five-star rating. And if you're looking for more tools, go to my website at nolimitsselling.com. I've got a free mind training course there, that's going to teach you some insights from the world of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and that is the fastest way to get better results.



You may also like

Building Resilience and Overcoming Setbacks: Strategies for Managing Failure and Disappointment in the Real Estate Business

Building Resilience and Overcoming Setbacks: Strategies for Managing Failure and Disappointment in the Real Estate Business
Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked

{"email":"Email address invalid","url":"Website address invalid","required":"Required field missing"}

Get in touch

0 of 350