When it comes to relationship transformation, Dave Elliott is a noted expert, author, international speaker and an accomplished coach who gets results for his clients all over the world. He’s especially gifted at teaching smart, amazing women how to bring out the very best in men – rather than suffering through their worst. Whether he’s sharing his expertise in books or products or on some of today’s most widely-read relationship websites or on TV, radio or stage, you’ll come away with the new awareness, skills and strategies to get the breakthrough results you really want and need.
- Understanding the six primary human needs
- Our perceived strengthens can mask weaknesses
- Our biggest challenges are often our most valuable teachers
- You can take back your power at any time with NLP
[Podcast Transcript Using Artificial Intelligence]
Umar Hameed 0:06
Are you ready to become awesomer? Hello, everyone. This is Umar Hameed, your host and welcome to the no limit selling Podcast, where industry leaders share their tips, strategies and advice on how to make you better, stronger, faster. Get ready for another episode.
Umar Hameed 0:36
So today I'm privileged to have Dave Elliot, he's an international relationship coach. So if you got a girl next door, forget about it. But if you got one across the world, he's your man. Dave, welcome to the program.
Dave Elliott 0:46
Thank you so much. Great to be here. Yeah, she's the girl next door. And I guess I'm not your guy. Now, that still works.
Umar Hameed 0:53
Awesome. So tell me in 90 seconds. Dave, who you are and what you do?
Dave Elliott 1:00
Well, as you said, I am an international relationship coach, I have clients all over the world. That's what I mean by that. And I'm an author, I'm a speaker, I'm a teacher, I'm a lover. I'm a talker, Steve Miller rap now. Actually, I just work with people and their relationships, I work with a lot of single women, I help them understand men a lot better, so that they can bring out the very best in them rather than suffer through the worst from them. So and I work with couples, I work helping them out as well. So anything in the area of human relationships I love, like negotiation too, or deal making a kind of thing. So I, I just love helping people get along better, great, more love in the world, one person or couple at a time.
Umar Hameed 1:44
That's brilliant. And when I was about 14, my dad and I were waiting in an elevator ready to go down to the lobby. And dad said, I've got a book for you. And he handed me this book and the title of the book read, you know, everything men know about women. And of course, every single page in the book was blank.
Dave Elliott 1:59
Yes, that's, that's what I deal with. But so I don't have to know a whole lot. But I can fill in a few of those pages.
Umar Hameed 2:07
Absolutely. So you also happen to be a Tony Robbins coach, and you've been running the Tony Robbins Meetup group in silver springs for 12 years now. Yes. 12 years. So you being a Tony Robbins coach, does that mean that you coach Tony Robbins? Like he needs more competence? That guy, I told him everything? You know,
Dave Elliott 2:25
no, no, actually, I'm a senior leader in the organization. What that means is that when Tony does an event, he's leading things from the stage. And I'm usually one of the people that's helping run the team for him so that we can give them even added benefit and one on one attention. So yeah, I've been with Tony, like 14 years now since I got involved in it. And I started this group just to bring people together. So I really love to just help people out with personal development, and it changed my life. And so it's just a real honor and privilege to be able to go back and help other people do the same.
Umar Hameed 2:59
So you've been through a lot of his trainings, and you've helped a lot of people through the trainings. Absolutely. What's the biggest epiphany you got? That was like a life changing moment for you, as a participant or as a guide, helping other people go through that process?
Dave Elliott 3:16
Well, I think it was probably when I went to one of his programs called date with destiny, which is my favorite, but I
Umar Hameed 3:22
know her by the way,
Dave Elliott 3:23
yes, I you dated her to date with destiny is an amazing program. He runs it every year in the US in December, and then he runs one in Australia. It's a real deep dive Tony does every every day for seven days. Wow. And it was really powerful. And I would say the the thing that shifted in that particular event for me, I had been to a couple of unleash the power within events. And then this was my first time going to date with destiny. And I really started to understand how it worked at a very deep level. And Tony, when he's working with participant, he would hear him ask questions. And I would think to myself, Oh, she said this, he's gonna say that, and I started to just really be on the same page, I really started to get it not just for me, but for other people. And one of my takeaways was, you know, I never thought I would be a coach or anything like that, but I really was starting to get it. And so one of my takeaways from the event was I'm going to go and get some coach training and you know, p training. And so that was a huge shift for me to walk away from what I was doing as a as a in advertising and in media, I worked for a newspaper. So it was a huge change for me to leave graphic design and copywriting and production on broadcast production and radio production. I love doing it I was loved using the creativity but I could still use it as a coach and absolutely loved it and there's just something way more fulfilling about you know, seeing my clients you know, get engaged after struggling for years right or, or seeing them just create amazing things or just Just make huge shifts in their lives. It's way more fulfilling than, you know, any number of TV commercials or ads I've created, right? So just way more exciting. Nice.
Umar Hameed 5:10
So one things that perplexes me is you see someone who's got immense potential. They're polished, they're articulate, and they've got a dream, and they never quite get there. It's almost like there's an invisible for stopping them. Have you come across people like that? And what's that? Do you worry today? Are you looking at me right now, while you're looking at me?
Dave Elliott 5:31
Yes, I wasn't actually looking at you. But I'm talking about in my clients. Yes, I do see that all the time. There's just the, you know, what it is, is their their past wounds, past, limiting beliefs, those types of things that get in the way.
Umar Hameed 5:45
So tell us a story, you know, change the names. So you know, we protect the innocent, but tell me a real life story of someone that you had all the resources they needed, but there was stuck in how you helped them kind of get that breakthrough that allowed them to kind of build the life that they wanted.
Dave Elliott 6:00
Yeah, actually, just a couple of hours ago, literally, I got off the phone with a client and they had an amazing result. She's been struggling in a lot of areas of their life, and I do a lot of work with, in the area of called a Mago. It's about understanding why we attract the same people into our lives over and over and over again.
Unknown Speaker 6:19
Because we mascus
Dave Elliott 6:21
No, it's because we don't necessarily understand that there's a lesson that they come to teach us. And what's confusing is, it's a different person all the time. So you never necessarily know until you look in the rearview mirror, and you start to put it together, see the pattern, see exactly, you see the pattern. So for instance, it was for her it was about, you know, being rejected and abandoned. Again, and again, she had some pretty rough childhood. And it just kept coming up in multiple ways. She had a guy that died, she had a guy that broke an engagement seven weeks before, and then she had to go and tell everyone that was gonna end she had, she also had a business partnership that kind of dissolved even when she had what she thought was a contract and everything was legit. And once again, the same thing happens. So this kept playing out again, and again. And again, one of the things that I helped her do just literally today, you know, she's struggling to make the rent, because this person, you know, walked out on the lease that she had signed. And so what I helped her to get out of her own way in is that, you know, her usual thing is I'll just, you know, double down and hit it now figure out a way, figure out a way figure out a way and she gets into our masculine and works really hard work yourself to death, in fact, and she doesn't understand there's other ways. And so as a strategist not in it, I was able to say, all right, what else can we do here, and I actually helped her negotiate with her landlord, and the landlord knew the situation, and landlord actually discounted her rent very substantially. And literally, we actually put a number on what we wanted. And we pretty much got almost exactly that number just a little bit under. But it was a it was beautiful negotiation. And it got her a great deal of relief, so that now she doesn't have to be exhausted. And just go to that. It is so my lesson
Umar Hameed 8:15
in form her pattern. Because a lot of times when people get into something like that, it's the first thing is you know, that's a bad guy. That's a bad guy. That's a bad guy. And there's a part that she plays, yes. But this lesson of negotiating and getting an outcome she wants, how did that inform that old pattern.
Dave Elliott 8:34
So it was a huge shift for her is that rather than always having to double down and work harder? I just showed her that sometimes you can work smarter you don't she goes into our masculine. And that's okay. Because she's been rejected and abandoned. So many times she thinks she can't rely on anyone. So I'll do it, I'll do it, I'll do it. And what I showed her is like, No, you can actually do this from the feminine, what you could actually do is feminine is about nurturing for really building relationships, connecting with people. And so what I showed her is that you can go back to your landlord, and you could just ask for concession because they understand the situation. And you have value because you've been there for a while and you pay the rent reliably every single month. And they like you, they want you there. And so what I did is I showed her how to take an area where she was feeling, you know, less than empowered, and to go and find her power in the fact that she's actually a very desirable tenant, who is very reliable and they like her and they want her to stay
Umar Hameed 9:31
nice. So Dave, who's your mentor, and what attribute Do they have that you really admire?
Dave Elliott 9:41
Well, I would say you know, Tony Robbins is someone who I got a lot of my training from. So I what I love about him is he is just brilliant at being able to find out and understand what makes people tick. What how they're, you know, I guess their understanding their mindset. How they're how they're built. And now you can sort of, you know, do what you do and help understand how to shift, shift their mindset to change their state or understand, you know how to get a peak performance out of them in the moment just by creating a new awareness, a new understanding, new physiology, focus or language. And he is really brilliant at that. So I do it with my clients, like I did with the one I was just telling you about, I shifted her state, she went into feminine and boom, she was able to have a tremendous result.
Umar Hameed 10:31
Brilliant. So what's the challenge that you face? Like you've got an amazing wife, you got an amazing life, but there's still things that you want to accomplish? What's the challenge you're working on?
Dave Elliott 10:44
challenge I'm working. Ooh.
Dave Elliott 10:50
You know what I'm just gonna say it's about
Dave Elliott 10:54
it's the old thing about when you run a business self employed and doing work and marketing type stuff, yeah, working on it, or in it? Yeah, I would say, you know, I kind of get lost in it when I'm working with clients. But then there's the other work behind the scenes. And I could always use some more help with that kind of thing with marketing or assistance, and that kind of stuff, too. So I'm not doing some of that work. And so that I can really do what I do and focus on it. So
Umar Hameed 11:18
bring the highest value to the world,
Dave Elliott 11:19
absolutely do what I do best. And then, you know, send out the other stuff to other people who are great at that, who are doing what they love. So I need to be doing more of that I'm doing some. And the more I do it, the more I love it, so I need to continue doing it.
Umar Hameed 11:34
So tell me about, you know, we all have fears, a lot of them we've overcome. What's a fear you have that you're looking to what's that next hurdle. And I know, we're kind of going deep in this topic. But what I'm finding is everybody that comes in the program, we always talk about how amazing they are and how easy it was. And there's lots of people listening that are their fears are front and center. So tell me about a fear that you used to have that you overcame, and how you overcame it.
Dave Elliott 12:05
I would say probably the biggest one for me was the fear of questions like this. Yes. It was putting me on the spot. No, no, actually, the fear that I had to overcome to get into this line of work actually was I used to play the Mr. Nice Guy all the time, right? I wanted everyone to like me, and really what it came down to is, that's nice enough, you know, quote, unquote, but what really is when you take a step back, and you understand what is that for, it's really that you're just, you know, scared, someone's not gonna like you. And you're, you're giving away all your power to other people to decide who you are and what you're about. And it's actually abject weakness to do that. So, you know, for what we do, you know, I put out advertising and stuff. And sometimes people will push back and I'm really fine with, you know, maybe I'm not the right coach for you, maybe it's not the right time. I really don't worry other people say, if you don't have support, whatever you decide for you is the right choice. So let's deconstruct that a little bit.
Umar Hameed 12:59
Because I think it's an important lesson there. Yeah, like, oftentimes, we hold on, sometimes with a death grip to our strengths. And sometimes they end up being weaknesses, like the need to be liked, we think that's a strength, that's amazing. But it underneath it is something that's toxic. And sometimes we have clients that come in that can hold on to, you know, that image of, you know, I'm a great communicator, or I'm a compassionate person, and sometimes that's holding them back. Talk around that, how sometimes our weaknesses are hidden, underneath perceived strengths?
Dave Elliott 13:36
Well, I mean, it goes into, you know, understanding personality, and why we do what we do, you know, motive matters. And you know, the basis of a lot of Tony's work, and mine as well is about understanding six human needs, why we do what we do. And again, tell me about those needs. Well, what I call it is serve up pyramid. And basically, it starts at the bottom, and we have a need for predictability. But yet, there's also you can say that for unpredictability, you knew I was gonna say that, too. We also know that as variety. The next one up is we all have a need to feel valued or significant. Yes, we need to be liked, which is that what that's about. And then the next one up is relationship, love and connection. It's a wide gamut. But we need both love is a little scarier, but connection is easy. We can come to a meeting and have connection but to be, you know, in an intimate partnership, that's a little scary for some people. So some people stay towards the other end of it. And then at the top, the top two needs and that sort of a pyramid is in the need for expansion. We're constantly growing or we're getting stagnant, and you know, moving backwards, essentially, so you're green and growing or brown is starting to go the other way. And then the last one is the S is about service. It's about giving back. It's about contribution, making a difference. Knowing that it's not just about you in this world, so you're contributing and making a difference in it. From my perspective, it is probably one of the big game changers because It presupposes gratitude. Nobody's going to serve other people and give things away they are in scarcity. So it's just a great place to be.
Umar Hameed 15:09
I heard somebody really wise say this one, there's three stages of life. One is when you believe in Santa Claus. And the second one is when you don't believe in Santa Claus. And the third one is when you are Santa Claus. So in that place of service, we are actually helping other people and doing amazing things, a more simplistic view of it, but I am the charming one. I
Unknown Speaker 15:29
thought, yeah, it is nice.
Umar Hameed 15:32
So what's something you know, nowadays that you wish you knew 10 years ago, that would have made a difference?
Dave Elliott 15:38
You know, it's that whole thing I was talking about the Mr. Nice Guy, one of the things that we know, 10 years ago, I had an adolescent daughter who went from, you know, being really, really close to me to overnight thinking I was a big, big dummy. Yeah. And so that was painful transition for me, because one thing I wanted more than anything was to be a great dad. And it was kind of painful, when I realized that she wasn't gonna see me as a great dad no matter what I did, and I had to be okay with that. And so I, you know, one of the things I'm able to, you know, I use my stuff to teach my clients to, you know, there was a point in time where I had to be okay with whatever she decided, and I don't give my power to her to decide if I'm a good dad, you know, as a good dad, sometimes I have to tell her, no, sometimes I have to, you know, you know, disappoint her or not make her like me in the moment. And that's okay. Because that's my job
Umar Hameed 16:27
Dave Elliott 16:28
Yeah, exactly. So, you know, it was a tremendous shift. But again, at that time, I was really kind of one of the that Mr. Nice Guy to have that close relationship that I aspired to. But, you know, here, I thought I was going to be her one of her grade teachers, she turned out to be mine. Isn't that the case? Yes,
Umar Hameed 16:46
absolutely. I'm incredibly grateful for you're paying attention that the students that you're teaching, teach you a lot as well,
Dave Elliott 16:54
most definitely. I'm learning every mostly about yourself. Absolutely.
Umar Hameed 16:57
So let's say Mr. Trump, or President Trump said, Dave, you're my boy, I want you to be in charge of the education system. What are some of the things that kids need to learn in elementary school, so that they actually end up having more successful lives? So it's a roundabout way of saying, you know, if you could teach kids coming into high school, what are the skills they need to have in place that would allow them to have a more successful, fulfilling happier life?
Dave Elliott 17:26
I think one of the things that I would help them understand that you should actually welcome challenge it's not supposed to be easy, you know, you're actually learning things and also know your own value. I think that would just end bullying immediately. If you understood that the bullying isn't necessarily a terrible thing a bullying actually teaches you what you needed. Bullying makes you tougher. Bullying makes you more resilient. Bullying makes you speak up, you know, bullying does a lot of good things that you wouldn't necessarily learn any other way. So, you know, we can all hold hands and you know, pretend we live in this beautiful, you know, an imaginary world with full peace and beauty and sing Kumbaya, but it's not the truth is there are sometimes challenging moments and we grow through challenge,
Umar Hameed 18:15
see your granddad right?
Dave Elliott 18:16
I am, I have a five year old grandson who is absolutely adorable.
Umar Hameed 18:20
How do you or how will you teach Jace, that, you know, sometimes when you get adversity, that's actually a blessing. That's an opportunity to learn because you can say it and it sounds like yeah, right granddad. But how would you pitch it in a way that a six year old or seven year old goes, Okay, I get it, that when something challenging comes, I can look at it as a learning opportunity. So how do you articulate that? How do you get people to understand that,
Dave Elliott 18:44
so I'm a little more stuff than that. What I do is I always, I always honor the effort. I said, Good job, buddy. You got this, you got this. And so I just basically, behind him, I tell my guys back no matter what, I believe in him, I know he can do it. It's okay, that was a great try. Go up there, you'll get it the next time. Or I'll ask him a question. You know, like, what to do great there. What could you do better? I'll just ask him questions. So I don't necessarily need to craft it. Because if I tell him, that's me telling him I can disagree with if he tells me, then it's true. And then my daughter, you know, again, you know, my greatest teacher one time she had a situation come up, and I asked her, and this is not that long ago, actually. So she's 25 now. And I said to her, just to make sure that this is gonna happen again, what would you learn here? And she kind of got upset with me. And she's just everything has to be a lesson dad. And I just might have said, Yeah, actually, it does. You know, you'll either get it or you won't, and it'll be a lesson again. I think you'd probably prefer to get it now. So you know, again, it's what they that's the difference now, at one time when she would say something sharp like that to me or being Oh, gosh, I made her mad. Now my God. Okay, I've actually served you I don't need you to like be in the moment. I want to serve you for a lifetime. There is a lesson here and you can either get it now you'll get it again.
Umar Hameed 20:08
Brilliant. So I do like that phrase, you know, adults don't raise kids kids raise adults. Yeah. To true day. Thanks so much for sitting down with me. And is there any last parting words you want to share with the listeners?
Dave Elliott 20:25
Wow, that's parting words, I would say.
Dave Elliott 20:29
Always remember that it's your job to define you never give that away to anyone else. Because if you give anyone else the power to make you feel great, like you're over the moon, because someone said, Oh my gosh, you're awesome. You're also at the very same moment, giving them the power to tear you down. If they tell you you're a jerk. And so if you kind of we call calibrate that, so neither get too high. Nor, you know, you have an expectation of being an outstanding individual with AI, you know, morality, and and you try to serve people and you just try to be, you know, a great person who treats people well, you get to calibrate that you don't necessarily have to get too high on praise, and you don't have to get torn down by some criticism or something you didn't do well. So I think it's be a great realistic appraiser of yourself. Be kind to yourself. Also, if you mess up does, that's okay. Just like I do with my grandson. You know, you'll get it again next time. Give it another shot. I like what you did here. And this is great. Don't worry about that. Just don't do that. Again, this is just a lesson you need to learn. It is great. You got it now. Awesome. Get out there and do it again.
Umar Hameed 21:36
So before we part company, the name of your book, and how can people get ahold of you?
Dave Elliott 21:41
Awesome. So my book is called the catcher match formula and what that book is about, it's from ignite being huge, be deadly. Yes, it's literally Yes. It's actually for people who are doing an online dating profile. I say a lot of my clients are single. And I took what I used to do as an award winning copywriter, and I realized they were writing terrible profiles. Because they just throw a bunch of stuff up there on the side,
Dave Elliott 22:04
like long walks on the beach. Yes, the same stuff. And they wonder
Dave Elliott 22:07
why 80% of dating profiles don't work at 30 bucks a month. But so what I did is I created a formula where it's sort of fill in the blanks, and they can create something that's really intriguing and compelling. And it gets amazing results. So I've had a number of people who within like two months of the thing going live, they met someone and have gotten married from it too. So it's powerful book. I love it and excited now I'm working on my second one now so brilliant. And what's your website? website is legendary love for life.com
Umar Hameed 22:38
brilliant, thanks so much for us and now with me.
Dave Elliott 22:40
Absolutely. My pleasure. Thank you sir.
Umar Hameed 22:47
If you enjoyed this episode, please go to iTunes and leave a five star rating. And if you're looking for more tools, go to my website at no limit selling calm. I've got a free mind training course there that's going to teach you some insights from the world of neuro linguistic programming. And that is the fastest way to get better results.