October 25

Heather Monahan, #1 Best Selling Author of Confidence Creator

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Heather Monahan (@_heathermonahan) started from very humble beginnings growing up in Worcester, Massachusetts. After graduating from Clark University, she began her career in sales and quickly advanced to top salesperson and Brand Manager within her first year in corporate America.

Heather finished her corporate career as the Chief Revenue Officer for Beasley Broadcasting. Heather was recognized as a Glass Ceiling Award winner and as one of the Most Influential Women in radio in 2017.

Currently, Heather runs her own company, Boss In Heels and is a best selling author and keynote speaker. You can check out her book on Confidence Creator on Amazon.

Podcast Highlights:

  • You own your power when you step into it
  • Confidence is a muscle you need to strengthen it continually  
  • You are enough

 

Contact Heather:

[Podcast Transcript Using Artificial Intelligence]

Umar Hameed 0:06
Are you ready to become awesomer? Hello everyone. This is Umar Hameed, your host and welcome to the no limit selling Podcast, where industry leaders share their tips, strategies and advice on how to make you better, stronger, faster. Get ready for another episode.

Umar Hameed 0:35
Hello, Heather, welcome to the program.

Heather Monohan 0:38
Thank you so much for having me.

Umar Hameed 0:40
Love the name of your company boss in heels. Tell me about that.

Heather Monohan 0:44
So growing up, I worked in mainly male dominated businesses, and I was used to having a older white male boss. So as I grew more experienced and understood what was unique and special about me, I started evolving into what I call my community now boss in heels, which essentially means you can be you and you don't have to wear a navy blue pantsuit. You can wear flip flops or heels, depending on what your style and flavor are. But really, it's all about rocking your own unique talents and feeling good about who you are.

Umar Hameed 1:22
You know, what's amazing is that there's so many people out there that try and be something else. And I find the real power that we have is when we're authentic. What do you think there's such a disconnect, people kind of get attracted towards kind of that image they want to portray versus who they really are.

Heather Monohan 1:42
It really goes back to being insecure and doubting yourself or feeling nervous. Because I know just personally, the times in my life where I've tried to fit into another mold. Like you said, those are the times that I'm at my weakest, I'm not at my best and really figuring out how to build confidence. So you do have the courage to move forward and do something differently. Those are those most powerful moments. And really the breakthroughs where people get to grow and evolve to, you know, heights that they didn't know they could reach.

Umar Hameed 2:16
So you have a book coming out, Tell me Tell us about the book.

Heather Monohan 2:20
So I wrote my first book, it's called confidence creator, it just came out last week and hit the Amazon number one new release within 24 hours. And within thank you and within a week it was number one best selling book for biographies of business people for self help for women, spiritual growth and personal transformation. So the book has started off phenomenally which has blown me away, because I'm a first time author and I did not have expectations set as high as I'm so excited we were able to deliver on. But the book is really my it's a compilation of the lowest moments in my personal and professional life. And how in those moments, I discovered how to build confidence and how the reader can to

Umar Hameed 3:11
tell me about one of those moments where it looked dark and no light in sight. And what did you do to kind of get the confidence you needed to get through that moment in time?

Heather Monohan 3:21
Well, August 1 of last year I was terminated. I was the chief Revenue Officer of a publicly traded company. And I was blindsided after nearly 15 years in that company, and constant and advancement, constant positive reinforcement awards, accolades. I was terminated when we had a new CEO take over the company. And I was so shocked that in that moment, really my confidence took a major hit. And I began questioning myself who I was if I was a failure, and I really struggled for a solid week, just you know, wondering if I was going to be able to build my confidence again. So in that moment, luckily, at that point in time, I was 43 years old, and I was able to lean on experience and experience has taught me that if you have a plan, and you break it down into small baby steps, so for me, I broke it down into 30 day plan and strategy with daily cross offs, you know, just focusing on that one single day ahead of me, and having a vision for 30 days in the future, which I felt was manageable. And that taking those little steps and recording those small wins really helped me to get myself back and centered to a place where I felt much more confident about who I was I pulled in the good people in my life. I asked them for help. And I went back and started reading journals and looking at other adversity I had overcome in my life, some of those tips and techniques that I use to leapfrog those times. I applied all of that into that window that 30 days. And that's all included in my book as well.

Umar Hameed 5:06
It's all a matter of focus anybody listening to this, you're not dead yet, that proves that you can be successful in what you do. But when things go downhill, oftentimes, we, I think there's a Helen Keller, quote, we look at the door that closed, so longingly that we miss opportunities. So tell me about that week, you got fired, you didn't deserve it, what thoughts were going in your head, that finally got you to get to focus on the 30 day plan and the positive things you had in your life,

Heather Monohan 5:36
I really believe that confidence is a muscle that you train and develop. So in any moment, you're either building competence, or you're depleting it based upon your choices, your actions, or your lack thereof. So for me having that foundation, again, based off of 43 years of experience and working on this, it took me a couple of days, because I really was in a funk I was I was so shocked at what had happened. And in disbelief that I felt so much had been taken from me that it took me a few days to really get calm and try to separate from the emotion and instead look at the facts. And in the end, the facts were I had a paycheck taken from me. But I still had my network, I still had all of my accomplishments, I still had my phenomenal resume, I had my amazing family, I had all these wonderful people that supported me and loved me. And I still had all that inner strength. I just needed to brush off those emotions for a moment to reconnect with all of that, and really getting grounded in that time and through that week, and calming myself down. Exercising, sleeping, you know, like I said, surrounding myself with the people that lift me up, suddenly allowed me to see that having that negative person fired from my life, really started opening up opportunities. And like I said, each day, I really sat and recorded the different amazing things that showed up. And I'm not an extremely spiritual person. But that experience showed me that really, when you take negativity out of your life and bring positive in, you'll start seeing the universe rise up to bring opportunity to you that I had never imagined would come my way, like the fact that I decided to write a book and started down a completely new path in business and in life. And now to see how that worked out when I was so fearful. And so down, you know, in that same window of time is pretty phenomenal.

Umar Hameed 7:36
I'm not sure if you keep a gratitude journal, when I started mine, it was like 10 things to be grateful or happy for each day. And what was interesting the first day, it was like, Okay, I can probably do 10. And the second day, it was much harder. And the third day, it seemed like a nightmarish task. But what what it did was that From then on, my mind was looking for gratitude and happiness throughout the entire day. Because I knew the very next morning, I had to make a list and it just changes your mindset faster than you can possibly imagine that you start looking for happiness and gratitude as opposed to what's wrong.

Heather Monohan 8:12
That's absolutely one of the strategies in my book, and in my life. And throughout my life. I have not been disciplined with a gratitude journal. But one thing I've learned is, I have to be disciplined about it when I'm facing adversity. So I'm a pretty grateful person overall. But when the times get tough when your confidence is down, and you're faced with something really hard, those are the moment I run to my gratitude journal. And I make sure I'm disciplined in that practice. Because for me, switching from scarcity to abundance just in my overall feelings and emotions and thought process is really powerful. So I couldn't agree with you more,

Umar Hameed 8:51
let's take three tips from your book that people can implement today. And that'll be something that'll get them a taste of it. So they want to buy your book. Well, I

Heather Monohan 8:59
can give a few I mentioned a few just now. But I can give you a few other examples. One of the things that I discovered about myself was when I was in lower moments, and I didn't know I was in a lower moment, you know, frankly, other people thought I looked very successful and confident. So sometimes you might say, Oh, I don't know, I think I'm pretty confident. Well, what I've discovered is even in those moments, there was opportunity to build more confidence. And one example is I used to apologize for a lot of things. So if I had to leave early because my son was sick, I was apologizing to everyone. If I had to let my friends down because I didn't know a work event and I couldn't go to dinner with them. I was apologizing to everyone. I found that I was apologizing to people in the gym when they would bump into me. So that's where I decided to draw the line and instead of apologizing I started very simply with just saying, you know, excuse me when someone would bump into me something so simple, but it was a very profound shift for me. Empowering myself. And in elevating myself, instead of putting me down beneath other people, that next step for me beyond just simply not apologizing, and not just saying, excuse me, was instead flipping that around and thanking people. So when I couldn't make dinner with my friends, because I had an important work event, I would say, thank you so much for your understanding. Right now I am confronted with a lot of things going on, I've got to jump in on this great work opportunity. And I'm so grateful that you understand that when you do that, you're actually setting expectations for the other person. And it kind of guides them down that thinking of Okay, then that I'm part of the solution, as opposed to somebody getting their knickers in a twist. So good on you for using social engineering to control people's thinking. It definitely works. And the only time I don't like it is when someone does it to me, because I see how well it works. And I get so frustrated.

Umar Hameed 11:01
You were talking about, you know, the saying sorry, for me personally, when I was younger, about 2122, if you were to give me a nice gift, let's say, by the way, if you feel like doing that, feel free to do so. What I would say is, oh, Heather, no, no, that's too much. No, please take it back. And someone took me aside once and said, Umar, somebody is doing something nice for you. Just say thank you and acknowledge their awesomeness. And when you do this, oh, I can't possibly you're disrespecting them. And so it's like, wow, because that was more of a self confidence issue for me back then as well, because it's kind of that's the underlying thing that was creating that, gee, shucks, I don't deserve it kind of like,

Heather Monohan 11:49
absolutely, I couldn't agree more. And I actually use the example which is so similar to what you're saying around receiving a compliment, or pushing it away. And oftentimes, someone will come to you and make a genuine compliment. And it's just like what you said, they want to give you something that's real, and they feel proud and excited about it. And when you say when someone says to you, you have beautiful eyes, and you say, Oh, well, my mom has beautiful eyes, I lucked out, I really don't have anything to do with it. It's, it's rejecting that compliment. And like you said it, not only does it make you feel worse, because you're not worthy of receiving a beautiful compliment, but it makes the person that's trying to give you something positive, feel badly as well. So there's a lot of power and confidence building and accepting gifts and accepting compliments of any kind, because it really means you are worth it,

Umar Hameed 12:40
I'll just going to go a little bit deeper into that, at least from my experience. So let's say someone complimented me on my eyes. And if I went, Oh, you know, I just got it through biology or whatever. Oftentimes, we feel pretty good about that. Because at the surface level, it makes us feel better, hence we're doing it but at a deeper level it wounds. So oftentimes people don't even realize that they're actually harming themselves in making that excuse. They feel good about it. But the damage over time that that does is that it makes your confidence go lower and lower. In such a slow, insidious fashion. You don't even realize it. And when someone hits a wall like you did, if you've got good self confidence, I mean, people are listening to this going, she was down for a week. Oh my god, I know people that were down for a decade. And I think that's kind of the the importance of your book is if people strengthen their confidence when adversity comes and it will, it's not that big a deal.

Heather Monohan 13:38
Absolutely. Because you have a plan, you have a strategy to manage it. And building confidence is just like building a muscle at the gym, you have to be committed to it, you have to know the steps that you need to take. And you need to weigh yourself in measure yourself. And for me, that was taking my temperature and seeing how I was feeling and watching my progression and recording it and really checking in daily with myself against my plan and against my benchmark of where I started, where I knew I had been with my confidence, and where my vision was for me to go. And it really was it was a process but when you manage it that way and you're committed to it, it doesn't need to take that long. There's probably more than two types of confidence but I'll just kind of lay out two versions of it. One is someone uses it more like a bludgeon to hit people around them. Look, I'm confidence. I'm right, I'm doing this and often masks self doubt and they using that to mask what's going on inside. Then you have other folks that can just be when they say something, it's you just feel the presence and the power that they have and they don't have to beat their chest. It's just more of a being as opposed to doing well. The first person you described is the least confident person and I've been that person so I have experience with that when I was very young. I grew up I didn't feel good about who I was. And I thought I was stuck there forever in a dark environment, not feeling good about myself, I didn't understand it was something I could address, I thought it was something I was born into. And that was my life. So out of shame and not wanting to be who I was, I would put up a fake front, as you said, put that mask on, and be over or try to appear overly confident. So those are the most insecure people that that they are, it's I don't know why people explain it as being very confident or overly confident, because it's the antithesis. And again, I have personal experience with it. So I know exactly what you're explaining, we all know that one person who acts that way, that person is the one that really is the least confident. Conversely, that person that gets to fly their freak flag, they are their own unique self, and they're fine with coming in with hot pink hair or whatever outfit on they choose or just being who they are. And being completely calm in that moment. That is the most confident person in the room without a doubt. But

Umar Hameed 16:09
let's go back to your you said, you know, you grew up poor, as you started getting success in your life, and you started bringing in wealth you still have and this is just a hypothesis. One still has that poverty mindset for a while. So when you first started getting successes, what did that feel like? And when did you cross the bridge to just feeling comfortable in place of athletes, that transition from the old mindset to the new mindset? How long did that last and kind of talk around that because I think a lot of times people get stuck there,

Heather Monohan 16:41
I don't know that I ever got stuck with being okay with receiving income or you know, or getting paid for what I did. But what I was challenged with is I was so driven out of fear of never wanting to have to struggle financially, that it definitely consumed, you know, more than a decade of my life where I would not go on vacations, I would not allow myself to have a social life. I only wanted to achieve and I was constantly afraid that that could go away at any moment. So I just outworked everybody to, you know, sheer exhaustion nearly. And it took that decade for me to learn, wow, I'm killing myself, I'd given up everything. I wonder if there's a better, more strategic way that I can get the same end result without, you know, giving up everything else. So it did take a while for me to get there.

Umar Hameed 17:38
Do you remember that old movie Gone with the Wind? Sure. There's this one scene with Scarlett O'Hara is impoverished. And she gets the maid to take the drapes down and make a dress because she's going to go take action. And she says this one statement. As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again. And oftentimes people get to that level. And it sounds like you where it's like, Okay, I'm gonna outwork everybody and make this happen. What happens there, I think, is a belief change, where it's a certainty that you're going to succeed. Whereas before, it might have been a wish, at the heart of who we are as where we hold our beliefs for the readers of your book. What are some of the beliefs you want them to have that would allow them to have more confident, more happier lives,

Heather Monohan 18:22
that they are enough, really coming to grips with that point that you made earlier, you don't need to put a mask on. And in fact, you really own your power when you step into who you truly are. And that's listening to your own voice and knowing that's the only voice that really matters. So doing what your insides in your mind and your heart tell you will take you to that right place, the more you fight that the more unhappy insecure and the lack of success you'll truly have, regardless of a paycheck or, you know, whatever you have around you, when you really embrace and step into that power. That is when your entire life begins to take off. And for me a lot of that was standing up for myself. I was in situations and toxic work environments, even as a very high level leader, that I felt I was forced to swallow what my thoughts and opinions were. And gradually over the last five years, I really started to own my own voice. And then at the end of the day I was terminated. So in some ways, it's interesting to see when you aren't your full, strong, most powerful self, some people might want to be around you. But as you step into your power, you might need to start changing the companies you work with the people you surround yourself with. And it all ends up being for the better. But for me, it was really a process getting there. I

Umar Hameed 19:51
think we all have three faces. The one face that we show the outside world is the illusion and sometimes the illusion is look at me. I'm pretty or smart, and other people have looked at me I'm tragic and unlovable. But that's the illusion, we show the outside world. And then we have something much worse. I think that's the delusion of who we think we are. Because oftentimes, we might show the world were pretty, but inside we feel damaged or vice versa. And then I think the third face is the authentic us who we are in the heart of hearts. And I think that's the journey we're on in this lifetime, is to uncover the authentic self. And when you do that, it changes the world because you can stop being a human doing that's racing to do stuff all the time, and become a human being where you can actually embrace your power, and decide what you really want to do, and make a bigger impact in the world. And it sounds like that's what you're doing.

Heather Monohan 20:46
It's really scary, though, you know, getting to that point. And taking that leap for me was deciding in that first month after being terminated. Do I want to take this chance, I've always been a part of corporate America, I've built a strong track record of success. Can I take this leap and go out on my own and do something completely new, that was the scariest moment for me professionally in my life, and ended up being the biggest confidence building decision I've ever made by betting on myself. And moving forward and taking that leap. It really and again, I was petrified doing it. And even launching the book, I was petrified of so many things. But again, learning that fear is a liar. It's what we create and allow for in our own mind, and still moving through it has made me so much stronger. And that's one thing I know for sure for your listeners, for my readers that the more you move into that fear and take it on, the more you'll see that it isn't real and that you're going to grow as a result from it.

Umar Hameed 21:49
Brilliant Heather, how can people get a hold of you and get a copy of your book?

Heather Monohan 21:53
So my book confidence creator is on Amazon, you can get it Kindle, paperback, hardback and audio version. So I would love for you to pick it up because I promise it will build confidence for you and you will love it. And I am on all social media platforms at Heather Monahan

Umar Hameed 22:11
Heather, thanks so much for sitting down with me.

Heather Monohan 22:14
Thank you so much for your time. I appreciate it.

Umar Hameed 22:21
If you enjoyed this episode, please go to iTunes and leave a five star rating. And if you're looking for more tools, go to my website at no limit selling calm. I've got a free mind training course there that's going to teach you some insights from the world of neuro linguistic programming and that is the fastest way to get better results.



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